


still, still, still

by lapinprince



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: And protective of Natsuki, Budding Love, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Satsuki is angry, also some flower symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 21:04:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16879152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapinprince/pseuds/lapinprince
Summary: Tokiya is made to believe in the sudden confession Natsuki gives him. He doesn't, and Satsuki has some words to say about that.





	still, still, still

**Author's Note:**

> written for my best friend since he loves natsuki / tokiya, loves still, still, still, and also gave me the prompt 'confession'. satsuki is like, my boyfriend so i had to include him too
> 
> i wrote this back in august and i havent edited it since so pls take it as is
> 
> look for more ways to support me at my twitter, @[laprincenico](https://twitter.com/laprincenico)

“Ahhh– that recording was so fun! Tokiya-kun, did you have a good time?” Natsuki said, grinning from ear to ear as the two exited the recording studio. Tokiya’s grip on the strap of his bag shifted, thankful that he didn’t have to look at Natsuki directly while they crossed the street. The sun was already bright as it was, but having a ball of sunshine personified chirping along next to him on top of the little sleep he had, and the busy schedule today– he was admittedly starting to drain his energy. 

“I did,” he replied simply. It wasn’t like he didn’t like Natsuki or enjoy his company, but something about the recording weighed down on him like a damp something stuck to his back. At first, he whole heartedly admired Natsuki’s singing voice and how easy lyrics came to him. But over time that morphed into something ugly, and he harboured some sort of jealousy for his friend and fellow member, a feeling that he never expressed to anybody. But after listening to Natsuki’s singing, almost effortless with very few takes, compared to his own paranoid recordings where he demanded to listen to every take over and over to make sure that it was good– that, perhaps, along with just being absolutely shrouded in Natsuki’s natural talent in songwriting, has made him feel… inadequate. 

His songs with Haruka always sounded so passionate and heart pounding, whereas his songs just looked lackluster in comparison. He was sure that his ability to write song lyrics so easily made him the easy collaborator than he, the one who rewrites every single possible combination of the same words to keep the balance of the song proper. Again, these weren’t things to dislike about him by any means. He was certain that Natsuki worked as hard as he did, but again, it just felt like something eating at him, chewing away at his shoulder as he continued to walk alongside him. 

“I’m glad! I’ve always wanted to work with you before!” Natsuki’s happy go lucky outlook was starting to pull Tokiya down even more, and he just detested the way that his mood was going sour just because of the cheeriness of his friend. But improvement always stared him in the face and taunted him to keep reaching higher. He cast a lingering look at Natsuki, wishing that his prospective life was just a bit simpler like his. He didn’t seem to notice at first, the two just kept walking down the street. They passed by a nice and quiet park when suddenly, Natsuki stopped walking. 

“Tokiya-kun?” 

Tokiya looked to Natsuki, puzzled. “...Yes?” He was given no answers, instead Natsuki just took Tokiya’s hand and started to lead him into the park. 

“Wh- Shinomiya-san, what are you doing–?” Tokiya sputtered, pulling back at his hand to no avail. He followed Natsuki further into the park in silence, it having been maybe five or so minutes by the time his hand was dropped. Natsuki admired the scenery for a bit, offering no answers to Tokiya. 

“Why did you take me here?” Admittedly, it was a very nice park; the flower bushes were blooming all around them, a caretaker’s hut by the entrance and a small bubbling spring of a fountain in the center of the area. The clearing was surrounded by trees, offering them privacy. “Shinomiya-san?” Tokiya asked again. Natsuki didn’t respond again, leaning down to pick up a pretty blue flower– hydrangeas? He wasn’t here to pick flowers.

“I’m… going to leave, then–” Tokiya said, the slightest bit irate at all this. He turned to navigate back out of the park, but a strong hand caught him by the shoulder and pulled him back. 

“Shinomiya-san, I have lines to rehearse–” Tokiya protested, turning around to become face to face with a handful of the hydrangea blooms.

“Thank you for your hard work today, Tokiya-kun,” Natsuki began, his hands fidgeting with the small stems of the flowers. “It’s… it’s really an honour to be able to work with you! I’ve always admired you and your voice, and I just hope that the lyrics we worked on together– I hope I can do it justice too.” He pushed the hydrangeas closer to Tokiya’s hands, placing them in a messy arrangement into his palms. Something in Tokiya’s chest thumped when Natsuki’s fingers brushed against his, but the thought of receiving flowers in itself deeply confused him. Tokiya’s brow raised, a bit in disbelief, but Natsuki continued. 

“When I told you my inspiration for the song… I lied a little, I’m sorry.” Tokiya’s gaze narrowed, still not understanding, still not following. His head was too tired to process whatever was going on, and the light blush and sheepish smile on Natsuki’s face did nothing to help. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tokiya replied, his patience wearing a little thin. Natsuki’s face was beginning to redden more, too– whatever it was, Tokiya didn’t have a good feeling about it. 

“Th– That feeling I described in the lyrics… It doesn’t really fit, but it’s actually–” Natsuki’s face was fully flushed pink as he tried to get the words out, “I feel that whenever I… Whenever I see you and Haru-chan–”

Something inside Tokiya snapped at that moment. He already gets grief from everyone for being close to Haruka, and now Natsuki? His eyes narrowed as he stared up at Natsuki.

“So you have the same problem Aijima-san and the others have then, huh? Are these flowers for her too?” What are you trying to say, what’s the point of this?” Tokiya rattled off, knowing that his tiredness was definitely keeping him from saying what he wanted in a more eloquent manner. “I’m sorry, I really need to go home, I’ll-” He turned to leave, but faltered when he saw the shocked expression on Natsuki’s face.

“I… Tokiya-kun, I–” Natsuki paused to rub at his eye under his glasses. Did Tokiya say the wrong thing? Was he _crying?_ Why? He glanced up at Tokiya, and the indifferent, confused expression on his face seemed to just make Natsuki’s brow furrow more, his gaze dropping to the grass instead, making Tokiya feel like he definitely said the wrong thing. All Tokiya could do was stand stunned as Natsuki turned his back to Tokiya to hide the tears welling up in his eyes, eventually pulling off his glasses to wipe them away. Tokiya watched awkwardly after his outburst, wondering if he should say or _do_ something.

“...Sh-Shinomiya-san, I–” he began after a breath, but he paused when Natsuki peeked at him from over his shoulder, his green eyes clear without the glasses obstructing them. Tokiya opened his mouth to start again, but his breath caught in his throat when that look over the shoulder suddenly looked infinitely more threatening. A pang of fear struck his heart when he realized that _Natsuki took off his glasses._

Natsuki turned to face Tokiya properly, the glasses in his hand dropping into the grass below. His face scrunched up in pure fury and suddenly he was making large steps towards Tokiya, forcing him to step backwards until his back bumped against the wall. Natsuki’s hand lashed out and collided with the brick behind Tokiya, little bits of rubble flying from the impact, the hydrangea petals fluttering to the ground. Funny, was this one of those “kabedon” that girls always swooned over? Tokiya would be able to laugh if he wasn’t fucking terrified. 

“...Hello, Hayato.” Natsuki’s voice had dropped into a menacing tone– no, this wasn’t Natsuki. This was Satsuki speaking. How could he forget him after that disaster of a concert? 

“I’m not Hayato,” Tokiya mumbled instinctively. 

“What was that?” Satsuki leaned closer, daring him to say it again. 

“I’m… not Hayato,” he repeated. Hayato was gone. Still, Satsuki sneered down at him. 

“Are you sure? You both tend to do your own thing and hurt others without a care in the world,” he taunted, though it was clear from his narrowed green eyes that he was _angry_. He wanted to believe it wasn’t true, but it still stung. 

“What are you here for?” Tokiya asked, avoiding eye contact with Natsuki’s alter ego. 

“Perhaps there’s a misunderstanding. Natsuki was pouring out his heart to you, was he not?” Satsuki spoke in a low, threatening voice that made Tokiya wish he could be anywhere but there. 

“...Yes. He was telling me about how he felt whenever he saw me and Nanami-san–” Tokiya was cut off from Satsuki lifting his chin with a finger to make eye contact. He still averted his eyes to avoid Satsuki’s glare– he already felt uncomfortable as it was, but anything more would just deepen the unfortunate flush on his cheeks, something he knew that Satsuki would see.

“Don’t answer. Did you really think Natsuki would have the same stupid jealousy problem that dumb cat prince has?” Satsuki seethed. “Is your opinion of him so low?” 

“...What… what else _could_ it be–” Tokiya asked, starting to wrench free from Satsuki’s grip again. It backfired, as the whole of Satsuki’s hand instead cupped his throat, fingers resting on his jawline. He gasped, his breathing just constricted enough to send alarms in his brain. He felt so weak with just Satsuki’s hand holding him there, limply dangling against the wall, his heartbeat starting to quicken with fear and adrenaline. Satsuki leaned closer to Tokiya’s face, a look that showed he didn’t think of Tokiya as much more than absolute trash on his face. It was distressing to see a face that is normally kind, so twisted up with rage and disgust, aimed at him no less. Tokiya quivered, feeling tears start to well up.

“He’s talking about _you_ , idiot,” Satsuki spat, his grip around Tokiya’s neck tightening. 

Tokiya’s laboured breathing stopped, his eyes widening. Was he? He desperately tried to rethink of the conversation, what was said, how he reacted– and he slumped when he realized Satsuki was right. It made more sense to think of it as a confession to him– he wouldn’t act so shy and drag him into a park so happily and give him flowers if he was trying to be upset over Haruka. He was starting to feel light headed from the lack of air, but the conclusion seemed obvious when he thought about it. Tokiya’s eyelids fluttered closed. 

“I’m not saying you have to reciprocate his feelings. Just at least reject him nicely and don’t hurt him more than you need to,” Satsuki continued, finally releasing Tokiya, letting him stumble to his knees. Tokiya took ragged breaths once Satsuki’s hand left his throat, inhaling lungful after lungful of oxygen.

“It’s not that–” Tokiya interjected without thinking, voice rough as he steadily rose to his feet– something he really shouldn’t do at this current moment. “I don’t know how to process this.” He looked up at Satsuki’s judging gaze, feeling like something similar to a lab rat under scrutiny, but willing himself to be able to keep talking. 

“Well, I suppose all the thoughts in your pretty little head must be kind of a fucked mess. Simply put, I don’t get why you do what you do.” Satsuki knelt down to feel around the grass where he dropped the glasses, plucking them off the ground and cleaning them once he found them. He raised them to his face to put them back on, but Tokiya’s hand shot out without him thinking to stop him.

“Wait! Shinomiya-san– Satsuki-san–” He didn’t get very far in what he wanted to say, there was just so much that he didn’t know about this elusive side of Natsuki. He seemed like something of a guardian angel that supposedly came around to protect Natsuki, but this was the second time now that he’s appeared in front of Tokiya. This time he hurt Natsuki, but the first time, that rainy concert– he hadn’t done anything. Puzzled, he reached down to pick up the hydrangeas to buy himself some time. ‘

“What is it.” Satsuki lowered the glasses from his face, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“Do you… hate me?” Tokiya asked, standing back at his full height with all of the hydrangeas tucked nicely between his fingers. 

“Yes.” 

Tokiya had braced himself for such an answer.

“But Natsuki doesn’t. So even though I hate what you do, Natsuki’s happiness comes first.” Done talking, Satsuki lifted the glasses back up to his face, but was again interrupted. 

“I think you’re an admirable person.” 

Satsuki’s eyes had widened at Tokiya’s statement– he wasn’t even supposed to _exist_ , yet this man considers him admirable, and a _person_ on top of that? His expression went truly unreadable as he glared again into Tokiya’s eyes.

“Don’t say shit like that so frivolously,” he said with a warning tone. With that, Satsuki put the glasses back on and blinked as he conceded control back to Natsuki. 

“E-eh? Tokiya…kun…?” Natsuki glanced around, noticing that he woke up in a slightly different place again. Tokiya stood in front of him, still holding the flowers he gave him– and though there seemed to be a break in the brick wall behind him, and a concerning red mark around Tokiya’s neck, he was smiling. Was this his protector again? He frowned. Though Tokiya didn’t know if Natsuki knew of Satsuki’s existence yet, so he decided to choose his next words wisely.

“Shinomiya-san, I apologize. I misunderstood what you were saying and I reacted without thinking,” he began, stepping forward towards Natsuki. “You were trying to say that you have feelings for me?”

Natsuki reddenned instantly with how direct Tokiya asked him, but he nodded shyly. “Y-yes. I wasn’t trying to say I was jealous of you and Haru-chan– I mean, maybe I _am_ , but not in that way–” he said, shoulders hunched, one of his hands gripping his forearm. Tokiya took another breath. He wasn’t quite sure what he could guarantee to Natsuki, but all he knew was that his complicated feelings of jealousy could stem from something deeper. Despite the ugly feelings, he did enjoy Natsuki’s company and generally felt light and warm with his energy. Even if Natsuki didn’t always understand boundaries or personal space, he was always quick to do what he needed to help people he cared about, and perhaps Tokiya was the perfect person to help him grow in that way. They complemented each other quite well, when he thought about it. Still, he didn’t want to promise feelings that may not be there. 

“I feel differently towards you than the others, I think,” Tokiya said softly, “I don’t want to just ignore your feelings, especially if I don’t know how I feel for you.” Natsuki glanced up with wide, glassy eyes.

“R-really?” he asked. 

“Mm. So… please let me… process that. Before I give you an answer. Is that alright, Shinomiya-san?” Tokiya asked. Natsuki stepped forward and took one of the blooms out of Tokiya’s hands and tucked it in his hair instead, the light blue colour standing out nicely amongst his dark blue hair. Natsuki gave him a warm smile, which he was fortunately able to return.

“Okay. I just want you to be happy, Tokiya-kun!” he said. Tokiya felt very fortunate that Natsuki seemed to be back to his normal self, though he couldn’t help but keep thinking about the other side of him that seemed to harbour all of the negative feelings towards him. He didn’t have the best grasp of how Natsuki’s illness worked, and he wondered if the even split of positive and negative was in the nature of the split of Natsuki and Satsuki– but ultimately he didn’t know. He supposed he should try and learn more.

“Ahhh… I already feel happy and floaty–” Natsuki said in between wiping at his eyes again. His fingers brushed the arms of the glasses again, and Tokiya internally pleaded him to not take off his glasses; he wasn’t ready for another encounter with Satsuki, according to the slight strain in his voice when he spoke. Not knowing what else to do, he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and started to dab at Natsuki’s eyes underneath his lenses.

“Ah- Thank you, Tokiya-kun–” Natsuki seemed a little flustered at the sudden help, but couldn’t help but smile. “Oh! I’m hungry, do you want to go eat?” Tokiya tucked the handkerchief away into his pocket, along with the remaining flowers in his hands. 

“That sounds good,” Tokiya said, his hand running carefully through his hair where the flower sat, making something in his chest flutter when his fingertips brushed over the flower petals. “It… can be a date, if you want,” he added. Natsuki’s face lit up in one of the most radiant smiles Tokiya had ever seen, and he chuckled quietly. 

“If you want! I know a good Japanese spaghetti place that Syo-chan showed me a while back– oh, but I’m not dressed nicely, and I have all of my stuff still– it’s dinner rush too, so we might have to wait a while–“ Natsuki rambled, fretting over the small details. 

“I don’t mind going now,” Tokiya said, offering Natsuki a reassuring smile. “I’ve heard about that place too… it doesn’t have to be a big thing.”

Natsuki smiled warmly back at him. “Mm! We can go at your pace, Tokiya-kun. I’m just really happy you want to go on a date! Ah, we should go to the restaurant then, it’s this way–” He led the way, strangely not grabbing for Tokiya’s hand this time. It was fine, though, as it was obvious Natsuki didn’t want to push Tokiya too far out of his comfort zone with the sort of answer he gave him. Tokiya followed along, humming the song they had just recorded together, all of the complicated feelings he felt earlier slowly starting to fall into place. He was almost sure that he reciprocated Natsuki’s feelings, but he had to abide by what Satsuki said– he didn’t want to say so until he was certain, so he wouldn’t hurt Natsuki more than he needed to.

**Author's Note:**

> i actually have plans to continue this but ill have it as a one shot for now!


End file.
